Maks' World

im starting not to care about certain people in my life. if i feel that someone is not treating themselves right, i grow less and less patient with the person's stubbornness. especially with one. when i talk with her, i roll my eyes. before, i would give advice and tell her ideas on how to do things, and well... of course she doesn't do it. it takes like 2 or 3 other people to tell her the VERY SAME THING... to finally do what i was suggesting.

tomorrow, we have a hang out set up. we will see if she keeps this plan or cancel like she has done many times before.

hey folks... if theres anyone still reading this... and you want to know what's happening in my life, check out my profile in myspace. i been blogging there.

I forgot I had this. haha. I been using myspace.com facebook

I'm working in landscaping as a CAD Drafter now. I'll be going to school this fall to take up some classes in I graduated from PCC in drafting technology (autocad thing). I've been meeting more and more people these days.

life is good.

I'm still here. in the great lovely Portland.

I may be jobless but i enjoy my life so much.

I may be broke but life goes on.

I may be single but that means a whole lot of fishes in the sea for me.

I love it.

first week of work: brutal. I been lacking so much sleep this week. going to bed at late hours and waking up at 5am daily. so tiring. work itself is great. i been either: packing, assembly, cleaning, putting parts together, or whatever. theres something new every day. i like it. i dont like to do the same thing daily. and this job, i could do 2 or 3 different things a day. and the best part: its day shift and only 8 hours. amen!

other than that, everything's great. my things still havent arrived. *laughing* and u know what, i dont give a shit.

*shrug* well off to drink my chai.

Ciao

~ Max

this week has been... un-be-lieve-able.

I passed my background cheeck and pee test. So starting next week, i have a JOB! *squeals*

Went to a party last night and i got energy-fucked. it was GREAT. the people... music... energy... the scenery... fire and the fire dance. everything. It's FUCKING great.

i never felt so positive like this, so free and easygoing. and you know what? i LOVE it.

Seattle is coming up this weekend and i look forward to the sightseeing of the place. Then to end it all, the chicago white sox baseball monday night! *woot* go WHITE SOX!

further updates: my things is all messed up. some will be arriving next week, my bed and dresser will arrive 2 weeks after. what the hell.

Since i been here, i been facing some temptations but i fought them off well. Im afraid some day that temptation will win and give in to the devil.

well. whadda you know... my car has arrived.

something i want to share: its an odd feeling right now. kinda like everything in the past 2 years is just a distant memory... like it ceased to exist. Its like it was just a month ago i graduated from college and im here in Oregon starting a new life. Do you think the past 2 years were just some sort of... a empty void? a "pause" in my life? Dont get me wrong, it was nice to meet people at DiChano's, new friends from work, as well the experience at Pactiv. but as for everything else: 2 years, it felt "still"; some sort of a mundane void...? i cannot seem to find the right word to explain. well... i suppose to put it this way: like it never happened. such a weird feeling. Do you ever experienced that kind of thing? where a certain time just seemed to pause on its own... then restarting someplace?

my mind continues to ponder.

It's almost a month now and my things still havent arrived. Even my car. argh. Mother Nature across the plains has been giving hell to the drivers trying to drive across nation. I was told that it will arrive this week. im betting it'll be next week. quite getting tired of the air mattress i been sleeping on.

job search is difficult but im staying positive about having a job in May. I hoped i would have a job within 2 weeks after arrival but now im going to extend that goal to May. At least by the end of May. while im waiting for a job to pop up, i joined a few places to volunteer. Oh, since this particular job is only 10 weeks, i'm hired as an ASL teacher. this should be fun! :-D I cannot wait to experience it. I hope i will do alright. smile.

I also joined Crew team. three times a week, we row this huge dragon boat for practice so we can be prepared for the Rose Festival race in June. Im glad i joined. its alot of fun and i love the girls that are on the team. i hope to join other sports team in the near future.

i started to read a book, 20 Something, 20 Everything. Its very interesting. Mainly about quarter-life crisis (kinda like mid-life crisis, instead this is a crisis during our twenties). Its good and for those women in your twenties out there, i recommend the book.

Its slowly starting to sink in now that i'm living here. SLOWLY.

I hope to get this by May. This will be great to use in my bedroom when its night and at the same time, i can move it to any part of the house. Im thinking either ask my mom for this or a Digital camera for my birthday. Maybe birthday and christmas as a 1 gift? :)

Everything is going well out here. I been so busy going to job placement agencies. im exhausted. I might get a job next week. I will have to see if one of the company is interested in me then i gotta go to the pre-o to see if I'M interested in working for them.

flash is doing great. She adjusted very well. The company of the two cats together has been getting better with each day. just yesterday, shay and flash slept on the same bed. within a feet of each other.

I'm looking forward to Seattle in a few weekends! I believe i'm also heading to ashland with Carrie on the weekend before easter. Im keeping myself quite busy and is looking forward to the new month.

Until next time, be safe!

first off, i had a great time with the girls along with Lindsay for dinner. we had Mio Sushi. It was so good, however i feel that the other Mio Sushi is better. I look forward to the next time i see Lindsay.

I only been here a couple days and im already telling myself to take it easy. I keep getting the sense of urgency to find events and meet people. the urgency to get a job. urgency to learn quick of Portland. just to keep myself busy. Last night, i told myself, STOP. take it easy.

its really hard at the moment for me to relax because i been so used to having a rountine back in Chicago. Now im here, i've lost that rountine and im trying to establish one. chuckles. again, this is where i keep reminding myself to relax.

my roommates have been great. Carrie been patient about lending me her car so i can do errands. Ly is off at the moment for the school break. at least i have company when im home.

i been meaning to call my mom but i havent had a chance to do so. I hope to try to do that tonight. Speaking of tonight, i would like to watch movies or go to a lesbian establishment. In a way, im afraid of asking my roommates to go out because i dont want them to get sick of me hanging around their shadows. I feel myself standing off to the side, letting them do their own thing.

another thing, it still havent sunk in that im living here. it still feels like a vacation, that im just visiting and ill be leaving soon. Lindsay mentioned it took her around 6 months to feel settled in and comfortable. If that's the case, i sure hope that 6 months will fly by because i hate the feeling of standing around.

the subject says it all. im home.

oh man... yesterday was not fun at all. i was down with some bad bug. i kept puking and pooping all day and night. now i'm alright, so far. im just lacking energy and food in my body.

the movers are coming today to get my things. i wish i could share my excitement but i'm still out of it. just 4 more days to get out of here.

whee, 2 weeks left. Everything is pretty much set. I got my airline ticket for March 21st. I might not even sleep, haha. its at 6am. The shipping folks coming here on the 17th to get my things. and if i understood right, i wont have my things for a month? ack. I will drop off my car on the 20th. This too, wont arrive very soon. It'll be in Portland 2 weeks. *shrug* important thing i get my clothes with me and use mattress that carrie and ly has. Whee. If i had sent this last week as i wanted, the arrival will be shorter. Damn.

I also set up an appointment for my cat. She is required a health cerft. to fly.

when some folks at work finds out im leaving, im shocked by their reaction. their reaction would show sadness. i didnt feel that i made any impact or influence being there.

It's an exciting time. Also very nervous. i keep on thinking about how things will work out, etc. very nervous. I also wonder about some things that may happen there. I wonder how my heart will take it. i just wish i can be there RIGHT now. but 2 weeks will fly by.

If you own a cat (mainly because I don’t know how it is with dogs) and you need flea treatment, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT buy Sergeant’s flea treatment that you would find over at Wal-Mart pet section (or any general stores).

It was such a horrible, scary moment Wednesday morning when I got home. I prefer to start the treatment on the 1st day of the month so I wouldn’t forget the next month’s treatment. Well, I put the treatment on, and then played with Rayni with a feather toy. After 15 minutes, Rayni kept looking out of my doorway, occasionally walking out. This, of course, led my curiosity. I went to the living room; next thing I know... Flash was running around like a manic. She kept running, stopping to scratch the area I put the medicine on and continued running around. It leads to my instant guess: skin reaction. So I quickly went to the bathroom with Flash and gave her a small shampoo bath in that area. Since then, she’s been calm. After that terrifying moment, im going to stick with Frontline from now on (due to past experience.)

Not convinced? My future roommate’s cat had some reaction to the medicine as well. Instead, she didn’t really eat much, specifically, wet food. And I believe for a while, she was feeling a bit plah… lazy. I was very concerned and now she’s doing all right. I hope.

So... don’t buy Sergeant’s. unless you’re poor and you’re okay to watch your cat suffer one way or another.

oh boy... today was really rough for me. i had so much on my mind and for some reason, i had a mild sinus headache. when i say 'mild' it was just an headache that went away with a sinus pill, thank goodness. i took a nap for a while. left my apartment to relax and talked with mom, asking for some advice and help. then visited my friend for dinner. that moment away from home and everything, it felt great. i needed that "distraction." Tomorrow, i'm back into working with Oregon trip.

whee. so soon!

my sister and i did a minor fundraising to see if we could come up with some extra money to take care of my things and just fly out to oregon. well, it's a success. we've raised more than enough and plans are starting to go into effect. If things goes well, i see myself leaving Chicago march 21st, the day after my mom's birthday. i just feel its right to be here for her birthday and have a nice dinner with her before i leave the state. *tears* im gunna miss my momma. haha. seriously, i will. she's pretty much the only one im close to in the entire family (okay, shes second since flash is definitely my number one). after mom, i would say my sister.

something i read, browser wars. I left IE ever since i got my Mac laptop in January 2005. I've used Safari, but i was never satisfied until Carrie mentioned Firefox and now i LOVE it to death. it's great and smooth.

i've got a headache. i hope i'll sleep and feel better once i'm settled down in oregon.

just something i saw while checking my emails.

EEWWWW!!!

I'm an adult now. all my life up till 2 years ago, I was a child with you. full of innocence. full of love for you. there, I was thinking you're a perfect father. cool, fun, out-going. making sure we have things to do and kept busy. my siblings would nod at me in agreement, but really in their heads, they're saying: only if you knew the devil inside his body. . .

then, 2 years ago, it happened. my childhood innocence of you is shattered. my eyes have been opened and got past that image of my 'perfect' father, seeing the devil. now I have grown to hate you. I hate the devil that have taken over your body, your mind and your heart. you came to me, with the devil dancing in your eyes. I was taken aback and hurt that very night. since, I never want to spend time with you. I don't even want to be around you. I'm not comfortable with you. you prefer to see me through a bottle, not through your own eyes.

I hate you, but... I love you. I love you, but... I hate you.

if you happen to read this, I offer you a choice. talk to me without the devil or don't talk to me at all.

YAHOO. we got a house. trusting my roommates words... its a nice house. I couldnt really say much except for the fact we have 3 bedrooms that is large enough for queen size beds and dressers. this made me happy. i cared about having space to sleep than anything else. haha. every time they finished an appointment to look at the house, my first question was, how were the bedrooms size?! haha. so usually they would answer that question before i ask. tee-hee.

as for my progress getting out there, slowly but surely. There are 2 plans: A & B. typical, eh? Plan A was to ship my things AND my car. Fly with my cat. To make the trip quicker and less crueling. Yup, you guessed it, Plan B was to ship my things and drive with my sister across nation. My cat hopefully would fly with Tom (the boyfriend of my sister's). One way or another, my moving date is sometimes between March 15th to the 31st. if i get lucky and fly, i will leaving the 15th week. otherwise, it'll be the last week of march with my sister.

my room is looking more and more like a mental ward. and i just covered one of my windows with newspaper. i lived here for a year an half and i never gotten drapes. chuckles. so sad. i intend to get wooden blinds (the 2 inch wide one) for my future room, to add that nature-istic look along with my bed and 2 floating shelves i have. i have pretty much covered everything here. just need to work more and more on my packing and cleaning. i'm glad most of my things are just in the bedrooms. and all the big furnitures are danielles. whew!

As for a job, i got in contact with an temporary agency out there. he wants to talk with me to discuss further job opportunties they might have for me. yahoo. so i will call them next week (my next couple days are BOOKED) and hopefully... ill get something when i arrive. :-D things seem to be falling in place.

today, i might go to the auto show, then head over to the wake for my uncle's death. then volleyball. friday, i have a memorial service to attend with my family as well lunch. then i need to take a nap before i go to work for the weekend, boo-hoo.

adieu!

growing up was very difficult for me. not because i was deaf. it was because of my broken family. as much i love my family, we all are not close to each other. My dad is an alcoholic, my mom is a angry divorcee, my brother is 10 yrs older than me and been a bad boy, my sister and i never really had that sisterly bond with each other.

sometimes it is my fault for not having a connection with them. myself being deaf, im used to being on my own, independent and things like that. and when i do try to be with the family, i want to talk with them. but i feel like every time i try to have a conversation, its a few liner before they talk on the phone or other folks. perhaps i just need to try harder. and them to try harder back to me to be part of the family.

i feel like sharing this poem.
" What is it like to be deaf? "

People have asked me.

Deaf? Oh, hmm... how do I explain that?
Simple: I can't hear.
No, wait... it is much more than that.
It is similar to a goldfish in a bowl,
Always observing things going on.
People talking at all times.
It is like a man on his own island
Among foreigners.
Isolation is no stranger to me.
Relatives say hi and bye
But I sit for 5 hours among them
Taking great pleasure at amusing babies
Or being amused by TV.
Reading books, resting, helping out with food.
Natural curiosity perks up
Upon seeing great laughter, crying, anger.
Inquiring only to meet with a "Never mind" or
"Oh, it's not important".
Getting a summarized statement
Of the whole day.
I'm supposed to smile to show my happiness.
Little do they know how truly miserable I am.
People are in control of language usage,
I am at loss and really uncomfortable!
Always feeling like an outsider
Among the hearing people,
Even though it was not their intention.
Always assuming that I am part of them
By my physical presence, not understanding
The importance of communication.
Facing the choice between Deaf Event weekend
or a family reunion.
Facing the choice between the family commitment
And Deaf friends.
I must make the choices constantly,
Any wonder why I choose Deaf friends???
I get such great pleasure at the Deaf clubs,
Before I realize it, it is already 2:00 am,
Whereas I anxiously look at the clock
Every few minutes at the Family Reunion.
With Deaf people, I feel so normal,
Our communication flows back and forth.
Catch up with little trivials, our daily life,
Our frustration in the bigger world,
Seeking the mutual understanding,
Contented smiles and laughter are musical.
So magical to me,
So attuned to each other's feelings.
True happiness is so important.
I feel more at home with Deaf people
Of various color, religion, short or tall.
Than I do among my own hearing relatives.
And you wonder why?
Our language is common.
We understand each other.
Being at loss of control
Of the environment that is communication,
People panic and retreat to avoid
Deaf people like the plague.
But Deaf people are still human beings
With dreams, desires, and needs
To belong, just like everyone else.

i want my family to understand my feelings. but at the same time, i am willing to try again and connect with my family.

im just kinda sad i grew up in a broken family.